Competition Jokes Korner For Month of October

[NoToRi0uS]

Asalam-o-Alaikum

Jokes Competition Ke sath hazir hein
is baar Jokes Jo app ne share kerne hein
wo hone chahiyen
about

Monkeys

[can be in english, urdu or punjabi Language]

Rules

Competition Ki Last Date 20 October 2008 hai

Aik Member Max. 2 Jokes Share Kar Sakta Hai

Jo Joke Pehlay Share Kiya Ja Chuka Ho Ya Main section mein ho Wo Dobara Nahin Ho Sakhta

[Mr Meer]

Ahaan Nice lakin mankey wala joke milay ga kahan ?

lagta hai khod banana paray ga

lo g ik share kerta hoon

Sardar: when i sleep monkeys play footbal in my dreams.

Dr: no problem! just take this medicine before u sleep.

Sardar: kal se loonga aaj raat to final hai

[Barbie Doll Jiya]

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a trainee solicitor monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage full of monkeys and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be £10,000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can do legal research and draft documents very fast, no mistakes, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkeys in another cage. "they're even more expensive! £30,000! What do they do?" "Oh, they're fee earner monkeys; they can answer all legal questions, draft complicated documents from scratch, mark-up agreements, write letters and bill clients. All the difficult, really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey all by itself in a cage of its own, eating a banana. The price tag around its neck read £200,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything yet, but it says it's a Boss."
***************************************************************
Once upon a time, there lived a poor hat seller in a small village in India. He earned his livelihood stitching hats and selling them in the neighboring villages. Once when going to another village through a forest, he fell asleep under a tree. When he woke up, he was surprised to find his basket empty and all the hats missing. Then he noticed a troop of monkeys sitting in the tree wearing his hats. He came up with a brilliant idea to retrieve his hats. He lifted the hat on his head and threw it to the ground. Out of their aping habits the monkeys followed suit. The hat seller then collected all the hats and triumphantly proceeded to the market.
As the years pass by, the hat seller has a grandson who too ends up being a hat seller. One day he has to pass through the same forest to sell hats in the village on the other side. As he is leaving, his grandpa tells him of the monkeys and how he outsmarted them and warns the grandson to be careful in the forest and remember his grandpa's trick if the monkeys cause any trouble.
So the grandson sets forth on his journey. While passing through the forest, he gets tired and falls asleep to wake up and find the basket empty and all the hats gone. Then he notices the monkeys on the tree wearing the hats.
Smiling to himself he says, "Aha! I know how to deal with this. I'll use my grandpa's trick!"
So he hurls his hat to the ground expecting the monkeys to do the same. All this time, there is a young hatless monkey sitting in the tree. This monkey jumps down from the tree, quickly picks up the grandson's hat and puts it on his head. Then as he is scampering away, he says to the grandson sarcastically:
"HA! HA! DID YOU THINK ONLY HUMANS HAVE A GRANDPA!?"

[ZShan]

Nice topic

1st Entry
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

2nd Entry
WIFE - Tum jab hanste ho to pata chalta hai insaan pehle bandar tha.

HUSBAND - Aur jab tum gussa mein hoti ho lagta hai insaan aaj bhi bandar hai

[...CrUsHeD...]

Gabbar: Aare o sambha! yeh Joke padhne wala insaan hai ki bandar?
Samba: Sarkar agar reply kare toh insaan nahi toh bandar.

************************

Teen Bandar Zoo se bhaag gaye
Ek Bandar Pizza khate huey pakra gaya
Dusra Burger kha raha tha
Aur teesra Bandar bade Dhyan se Yeh khabar parh raha tha


*************************

[Pukhtana_4_Lyfe]

Sardar was climbing up the tree
monkey: Darakht ( tree ) pe kyon aye ho
sardar: apple khanay
monkey: Par yeh tho aam ka darakht hai
sardar: Tho apple saath laaya hoon

[baby_princess33]

Sign language of a monkey !

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I am saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down."Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey motioned "kissing."
"They were kissiing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"Now wait, you are saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Brain Transplant

A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey's human family,

"Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the family.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the vet.

All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male and female brains?"

"Standard pricing practice," said the vet. "The female brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used!".

[A.A.YasiR]

yaar ab hamain kay pata chalay ga k kon sa pehlay share kya ja chuka hay? wahan to hazaroon jokes hain pehlay unko parhain k kon say pehlay share kya ja chuka hay ?

[Hasham]

[sweetestgirl_safura]

THE LIZARD AND THE MONKEY..A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "hey! What are you doing?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says, "hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says, "faaaaaaark dude... how much water did you drink?!


2nd joke

One day a lion was walking around the jungle sad and lonely, when he spotted a monkey up in a tree.
He yelled up to the monkey to come down and play, but the monkey was too scared. So the lion asked the monkey what he could do to make him feel comfortable enough to come down.
The monkey said, "If you tie yourself up I'll come down."
So the lion ties himself up, but as the monkey came down he started shaking.
The lion said, "Hey, monkey, you don't have to be scared! I'm not going to eat you; I'm tied up real tight."
"I know," said the monkey. "That's not why I'm shaking."
"So why are you shaking?" asked the lion.
"Well," said the monkey, "it's just that I've never had sex with a lion before."

[Shanza Malik]

Jungle main Shair ki shaadi hoi, to us nay sab jungle waaloon ko walima pay bulaya;
jab sab pohonch gaya to khana shuroo ho gaya
itnay main 1 bandar uchalta hoa aaya;
or shair pay gussa honay laga k tum nay hamara intazaar kewn nahi kia
shair us ka ehtraam main khara ho gaya
phir bandar kahnay laga maray sab mahmanoon ko V.I.P protocol milna chahiyaa
or jo ghar main hain un ka khana pack kar ka saath day doo
shair kahtay hay YES SIR
jab wo bandar chala gaya to shair k saathioon nay kaha
k 1 bandar say dar gaya
1 dafa martay to jungle choor k bhaag jaata
shair boola
WO SAB TO THEEK HAY PAR AAJ KAL SAALA P.P.P MAIN HOTA HAY

[fatimasarah]

Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!







Monkey was handling the steering





Once a plane crashed somewhere in the mountains, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand English and reply. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Tying their belts”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Saying Hello! Good morning!”


Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Checking the system”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Looking for my people”

Officer: “After 10 minutes what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Having beverages and snacks”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Serving the travelers”

Officer: “What were the Pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the steering”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Eating & throwing”

Officer: “After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Some were sleeping and some were reading”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses ?”
Monkey: “Make up”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the steering”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Nothing”


Officer: “Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “All were sleeping”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Kissing the pilots”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Responding”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the steering !!!”